Andy and I are going to be making some decisions in the near future. Not going to discuss them now because we are still searching what God wants us to do. I just wanted to share a little something that I thought was amazing and clear to the point of what Christ expects from me personally.
In my quiet time, I've been doing this bible study series called "Live Intimately- Lessons from the Upper Room" with my friend Christy. It's been challenging and very refreshing when getting back to the basics of having a relationship with Christ. Sometimes we (Christians) make our relationship with Christ so complicated that a bunch of bumbo jumbo gets in the way of being intimate with Him.
Anyways, I came across this paragraph that says this:
"If you [are willing to be involved in simple obedience], you will most certainly grow in God's grace. If you obey, Christ will increasingly unveil his heart to you. You will come to know Him and not just about Him. On the other hand, if you fail to obey, he will cease to reveal Himself to you, and your own love for Him will weaken (James Montgomery Boice)."
I want to see Christ desperately; I want to have a genuine love for Him- not just head knowledge.
"1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)"
I can do all these things and seem like a "good" person, but if I don't have Christ's love in me- being a "good" person is worthless.... Being a "good" Christian doesn't get you anywhere except for just putting on a show. And for who? People? Ourselves? We might say it's for God, but is it really? People with discernment can tell the difference between Christians who put on a show and Christians who live genuinely- it's called the Holy Spirit.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I don't want to be stuck in the same place putting on a show of being a "good" Christian and that's good enough. I want God to know that He can use Andy and I because we want to have a genuine love for Him and people. (It's definitely a learning process.) If I'm not living intimately with Christ, how can I know His heart? How can I know what He wants us to do with our lives if we are living in our own little Christian show trying to please others? It's miserable!
Our priorities reveal our passions. Those passionate about Christ are recipients of God's love. Those passionate about worldly pursuits won't find favor with God. (I got this from the study too.) And this is clearly backed up by scripture:
"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. (1 John 2:15).
My desire is that Andy and I can set our priorities straight and make Christ our life. I don't want to make any decisions without Him because wherever or whatever we do won't glorify God. What kind of godly example as future parents is that for Ezra? We are realizing that our decisions don't just affect us anymore, but affects our future kids. No better way to make a decision than to follow after Christ. I pray that our kids learn that.
These are just a few of the many thoughts that go through my head and heart. For being a person that potentially has adhd, I would say this is the most organized way of flowing my thoughts together.
10.07.2010
8.25.2010
.excited.parents.to.be.
6 months pregnant and definitely getting bigger, especially Ezra! It seems that my belly has really poked out this past week. His movements don't feel like those cute little flips and precious pokes anymore.... They are more like jabs, bicycle kicks, and jumping on my bladder! :) I know it only gets worse from here and this will probably be the only time I'll accept Ezra's abuse, haha. But I love that our little man is getting his exercise in!
Last night, I started reading to Ezra. My great grandma (Granny) gave me a bible story book that goes through the entire bible summarizing the chapters and including pictures. She wrote me a note that says, "Please read a story ever night and say your prayers before going to bed." Unfortunately, I didn't read this whole book. I tried, but hopefully, I can keep it up with Ezra. I know that he doesn't understand, but he hears my voice and it gives me a head start in making a habit of reading the bible to him. Andy definitely wants to get in on it too, which I'm really excited about! I certainly want us to be involved in Ezra learning about Jesus and His Word. I feel that is definitely a privilege and a responsibility of ours as Christian parents.
I'm just excited about him coming! We were talking today about how we can't wait to put a face to him. I told Andy that I can't wait to put him in a stroller and go for walks or jogs. Can't wait to see what makes him laugh, smile, cry....
Last night, I started reading to Ezra. My great grandma (Granny) gave me a bible story book that goes through the entire bible summarizing the chapters and including pictures. She wrote me a note that says, "Please read a story ever night and say your prayers before going to bed." Unfortunately, I didn't read this whole book. I tried, but hopefully, I can keep it up with Ezra. I know that he doesn't understand, but he hears my voice and it gives me a head start in making a habit of reading the bible to him. Andy definitely wants to get in on it too, which I'm really excited about! I certainly want us to be involved in Ezra learning about Jesus and His Word. I feel that is definitely a privilege and a responsibility of ours as Christian parents.
I'm just excited about him coming! We were talking today about how we can't wait to put a face to him. I told Andy that I can't wait to put him in a stroller and go for walks or jogs. Can't wait to see what makes him laugh, smile, cry....
8.01.2010
.story.of.baby.ezra.
I've been wanting to write more on this blog about our upcoming little man and it's about time! Well, here it goes... We found out on april 7 that we were pregnant. :) I just didn't understand how I could gain up to 8 pounds gradually within a week while I was exercising and eating healthy. Yes, I'm obsessed with weighing myself. No, I don't have an anxiety attack if I don't. Andy had his theory of why I was gaining so much weight -- GETTING OLD. He doesn't have much to say about old since he's turning 30 this year and I'm just leaving my early twenties....
Anyways, I decided that I needed a pregnancy test and a redbox movie that night. Since close friends said that I would be the 1 in 4 women to misread a pregnancy test, I should get the one that had the results in words -- PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. As funny as that was, we took their advice and got one, haha. I was in shock when the word came up. Andy was outside the bathroom door. We couldn't believe it, but we were excited and scared at the same time. US parents???? Please Lord, help this child, haha. We decided that day we were gonna be the parents that take pictures of everything, so we started with the test. :) Later on different nights, we went to dinner with Andy's parents and my dad and stepmom. We gave them a small box with a binky in it. That's how we told them we were expecting a baby. :) It was fun to watch their reactions, haha. Since my mom and step dad live in wisconsin, I talked to my mom on the phone. :)
I had no idea how far long I was because my monthly "visits" are unpredictable, so it could have been since january or march. When we went to the dr's, they scheduled an ultrasound to figure this mystery out. The ultrasound told us that our little baby was only 7 weeks. I was stunned because I felt my belly was huge! Yes, I'm understanding how ignorant I was, haha. It was kinda a downer because we were hoping to have our baby sooner. But we are just thankful for God's gift to us. I think this picture is so cute because he's like a little rock climber. :)
Between at that time and 17 weeks, I was just anticipating what we were having because I wanted to give our little one a name. I hated calling the baby "it", "baby pfleg", "him/her", etc.... I wanted to feel close to our baby since I couldn't feel anything yet. I felt bad that I didn't feel close, but then felt better when I found out that it's normal for some women. I wasn't depressed or anything; I just didn't feel pregnant because I never had morning sickness or crazy cravings. I just gradually gained weight and couldn't fit in my clothes anymore. On my birthday tho (July 11), our baby gave me the greatest gift -- KICKED ME! My sister was sitting next to me and witnessed it too, so I know I wasn't crazy. :) It was wonderful. Since that day, our baby hasn't stopped moving or poking.
THEN, it was ultrasound time! July 19th -- We were ecstatic to find out! We both had the day off to celebrate all day. Andy guessed boy and I guess girl, but we were both really thinking that we were gonna have a girl since everyone we know is pretty much having a boy or had a boy. We thought we would be the ones to break the cycle. It was just me and Andy in there, plus several workers. It was like a party cause we were all laughing at our baby. He was doing crazy stunts and it was hard for them to get pictures. He was standing on his head, doing back flips, poking at the ultrasound wand, constantly moving... On top of having to get up several times to go to the bathroom cause my bladder was too full. They ended up telling me to just empty my bladder. At last, they were trying to figure out the sex, but his legs were crossed. Then he did a flip and it was right there! The lady said -- "There's the three lines." I don't think I've ever been so proud, excited, or smiled that big in my life. He was beautiful. His beating heart, his feet, his spine, his organs, his arms... He was just amazing. We immediately knew his name -- Ezra Josef. I loved that I could call him by his name now!
This is how we told our family about Ezra. We hadn't told them he was a boy yet, so we got a cake that was blue in the inside. We had them cut the cake to find out! It was really good.
Ezra is constantly doing flips and poking around. We love just watching him make big kicks. We still have hope that 2 wrongs make a right. Andy and I were both crazy kids, so we hope that maybe he's getting it all out of his system now, haha. If not, we will definitely still love him!
Between at that time and 17 weeks, I was just anticipating what we were having because I wanted to give our little one a name. I hated calling the baby "it", "baby pfleg", "him/her", etc.... I wanted to feel close to our baby since I couldn't feel anything yet. I felt bad that I didn't feel close, but then felt better when I found out that it's normal for some women. I wasn't depressed or anything; I just didn't feel pregnant because I never had morning sickness or crazy cravings. I just gradually gained weight and couldn't fit in my clothes anymore. On my birthday tho (July 11), our baby gave me the greatest gift -- KICKED ME! My sister was sitting next to me and witnessed it too, so I know I wasn't crazy. :) It was wonderful. Since that day, our baby hasn't stopped moving or poking.
This is how we told our family about Ezra. We hadn't told them he was a boy yet, so we got a cake that was blue in the inside. We had them cut the cake to find out! It was really good.
 |
| Pic: (left-right) Laura, Elaine, LuEllen, Sue, Dave, Joe, Dale |
Ezra is constantly doing flips and poking around. We love just watching him make big kicks. We still have hope that 2 wrongs make a right. Andy and I were both crazy kids, so we hope that maybe he's getting it all out of his system now, haha. If not, we will definitely still love him!
5.16.2010
.to.delete.or.not.to.delete?
Lately, I have really been thinking about deleting my facebook. It's crazy how something that used to be so small is so huge right now and it's hard to decide whether to delete it or not. I want to delete it cause it's such a distraction and brainless activity... I like the fact that you can look at pictures, but I hardly put any pics up anymore. Facebook is just starting to get boring. It's not the only reason why I want to delete it. It's distracting me from God. When I could be praying or reading, I'm on facebook. It's easier to just click and look than actually read, apply, and worship. A friend, Courtney, deleted hers cause it was distracting her from God. Kinda inspired and encouraged me. I'd rather blog more than just put a lame-o status on facebook. I can post pics on here, too. I don't think I would spend more time on this blog than I have on facebook. Plus, I can post stuff about God, which would be something I love to do and wish I would do more. Facebook is just addicting. It's nice and easy to just be brainless, but at the end, I don't feel happy or energized. Makes me feel even more drained....
It's a hard decision because I like to be able to stay in contact with people. It's funny tho cause I really only stay in contact with some people. It's kinda pointless to have 600 friends on facebook cause there's no way someone can keep in contact with all of em. I don't even know how I have that many "friends"! So I think once I've gotten all my pictures and make sure I'm not going to lose anything, I'll delete my facebook. Hopefully, some people can keep in contact through my blog and email. I'll make sure to give my email and website of this blog. We'll see what happens!
It's a hard decision because I like to be able to stay in contact with people. It's funny tho cause I really only stay in contact with some people. It's kinda pointless to have 600 friends on facebook cause there's no way someone can keep in contact with all of em. I don't even know how I have that many "friends"! So I think once I've gotten all my pictures and make sure I'm not going to lose anything, I'll delete my facebook. Hopefully, some people can keep in contact through my blog and email. I'll make sure to give my email and website of this blog. We'll see what happens!
3.17.2010
.clouds.jams.sunroof.wheels.
one of my fave things that i got to do today was enjoy the lovely weather by opening up my sunroof of my car and blaring my jams :) i wish i could be a passenger all the time cause i just love looking at the clouds and the green landscape of fields. people who know me know that i love to talk and act ridiculous; it's just how i interact with people. the one place tho that i am quiet and still is when i'm riding in a car.
there is just so much going on outside of the car that catches my attention. plus it's where i think. where i talk with Jesus. where i ponder about the future. where i think of the most random things. where i fall asleep within 10 minutes.
i have a lot of memories that deal with riding in a car. i remember being in my mom's '91 honda civic (which ended up being my car when i turned 16). we always had sing-along books and cassette tapes. we had several bible ones and other children songs. when we took our routinely trips to arkansas, my sister and I would play these lil travel games. one game that we played every time was the "sign game". we really paid attention to the billboards or any sign we could find cause we wanted to be the ones to get to "Z" first. we had to find words that started with the letters of the alphabet. A-Z. i remember that i always wanted to sit up front cause that was the coolest; but when it came to long trips, i let laura enjoy the front for once cause that meant more room for me in the back :) my mom always listened to soft rock or country. i would always sing the songs whether i knew the words or not. although now, i'm not a big fan of country music.
i learned to drive the stick shift in her honda. she told me that i couldn't get my license until i learned how to drive it. i didn't know why at the time, but then realized that it was gonna be my first car. she taught me to drive her honda in the mascoutah cemetery. she said it was the only place where i couldn't hurt anybody :) love the confidence! it was awesome. the color was blue and it was practically new. i washed it like crazy and always had it clean. even though it looked neat and clean, i ruined the transmission and hit a van with it. it still lasted awhile for me, couple of years in college. sold it for $800. when i was in high school, the rear windshield had a soccer sticker with my name on it. hanging from my rear view mirror was a soccer ball. i even had soccer balls and equipment in my truck. i loved soccer. oh and a Jesus fish. although, i don't think i was a good witness driving cause i was a ridiculous driver.
my second car was also a honda, but i stepped it up with a '92 honda accord ex with a sunroof! that lasted about a year for me until i rolled it in a bean field. again, i kept it so clean and neat, but i was reckless. not really my fault, i fell asleep at the wheel. started going off the road, woke up, tried to get back on the road, fish-tailed, turned 180 degrees, going backwards in a ditch, went upside down, asked God to turn me right-side up, turned right-side up, then stopped with my window broken, my side mirror ripped off, bean stalk on my lap, dirt/mud everywhere. i'm just glad i was wearing crocs cause i was completely muddy. God definitely had my back. i got someone to pull off the side of the road. (i couldn't find my cellphone and i was like 20 minutes from home). my dad came to the rescue and that's when i started bawling and praising Jesus. it hit me that i could have met the Lord right then and there. not that i wouldn't mind that, but it hit me that God saved my life. when i went to the site the next morning, i was just surprised i wasn't hurt at all. there was a pole and some cement nearby that i could have ran into. since it was stormy and rainy, the mud made my roll over go smoothly. the craziest thing was that my car still ran! the reason why i was driving so late was cause i was driving from robinson, il where andy was interning as a youth pastor. i went to visit him and was coming back home. after my wreck, he came down and helped me clean it out. we were engaged at that time. it was the first time i didn't listen to him cause that night he told me not to drive late. should have listened! but i drove that thing another 3 or 4 years till i blew that transmission. i donated it.
when andy and i started dating, he had a mitsubishi eclispe. i remember having long night talks in that car. we would just sit in my driveway in his car and just talk and talk. we would talk so long that i would just close my eyes and talk cause i was so tired, but we didn't want to leave. at that time i lived with my aunt and uncle. love them! that car was so loud and bumpy. you could feel every crack in the road! if i called him and he was in his car, i could hardly hear him! he sold it when we was going to china. he really misses that thing.
the car we have now is a blessing! we saved up all the money we could make and had received from our wedding. we were looking for an affordable car, but something that was in excellent shape. God answered our prayer and went over and beyond! our '99 vw passat has everything that we were looking for and even extras. we wanted something that was a VW, black, sunroof. something like that. with the price range we were looking for, we thought we would get a jetta. we asked around, and i just kept hitting a dead end. very soon though, this dealership happened to have something we were looking for. $5500, black, sunroof, passat, 68,000 miles, cd player, automatic. it was just unreal, but God definitely provided that car for us. so far, andy and i have taken some road trips to kansas and wisconsin. hopefully in the future, we can use it for more of a family car :) that's why we were looking for a 4 door.
i've got more memories with cars, but i've already written a lot.... my dream is to have a jeep wrangler with the top and doors off with a surfboard attached to it. this dream was inspired by the fact that i got to do that in hawaii, but minus the surfboard....
there is just so much going on outside of the car that catches my attention. plus it's where i think. where i talk with Jesus. where i ponder about the future. where i think of the most random things. where i fall asleep within 10 minutes.
i have a lot of memories that deal with riding in a car. i remember being in my mom's '91 honda civic (which ended up being my car when i turned 16). we always had sing-along books and cassette tapes. we had several bible ones and other children songs. when we took our routinely trips to arkansas, my sister and I would play these lil travel games. one game that we played every time was the "sign game". we really paid attention to the billboards or any sign we could find cause we wanted to be the ones to get to "Z" first. we had to find words that started with the letters of the alphabet. A-Z. i remember that i always wanted to sit up front cause that was the coolest; but when it came to long trips, i let laura enjoy the front for once cause that meant more room for me in the back :) my mom always listened to soft rock or country. i would always sing the songs whether i knew the words or not. although now, i'm not a big fan of country music.
i learned to drive the stick shift in her honda. she told me that i couldn't get my license until i learned how to drive it. i didn't know why at the time, but then realized that it was gonna be my first car. she taught me to drive her honda in the mascoutah cemetery. she said it was the only place where i couldn't hurt anybody :) love the confidence! it was awesome. the color was blue and it was practically new. i washed it like crazy and always had it clean. even though it looked neat and clean, i ruined the transmission and hit a van with it. it still lasted awhile for me, couple of years in college. sold it for $800. when i was in high school, the rear windshield had a soccer sticker with my name on it. hanging from my rear view mirror was a soccer ball. i even had soccer balls and equipment in my truck. i loved soccer. oh and a Jesus fish. although, i don't think i was a good witness driving cause i was a ridiculous driver.
my second car was also a honda, but i stepped it up with a '92 honda accord ex with a sunroof! that lasted about a year for me until i rolled it in a bean field. again, i kept it so clean and neat, but i was reckless. not really my fault, i fell asleep at the wheel. started going off the road, woke up, tried to get back on the road, fish-tailed, turned 180 degrees, going backwards in a ditch, went upside down, asked God to turn me right-side up, turned right-side up, then stopped with my window broken, my side mirror ripped off, bean stalk on my lap, dirt/mud everywhere. i'm just glad i was wearing crocs cause i was completely muddy. God definitely had my back. i got someone to pull off the side of the road. (i couldn't find my cellphone and i was like 20 minutes from home). my dad came to the rescue and that's when i started bawling and praising Jesus. it hit me that i could have met the Lord right then and there. not that i wouldn't mind that, but it hit me that God saved my life. when i went to the site the next morning, i was just surprised i wasn't hurt at all. there was a pole and some cement nearby that i could have ran into. since it was stormy and rainy, the mud made my roll over go smoothly. the craziest thing was that my car still ran! the reason why i was driving so late was cause i was driving from robinson, il where andy was interning as a youth pastor. i went to visit him and was coming back home. after my wreck, he came down and helped me clean it out. we were engaged at that time. it was the first time i didn't listen to him cause that night he told me not to drive late. should have listened! but i drove that thing another 3 or 4 years till i blew that transmission. i donated it.
when andy and i started dating, he had a mitsubishi eclispe. i remember having long night talks in that car. we would just sit in my driveway in his car and just talk and talk. we would talk so long that i would just close my eyes and talk cause i was so tired, but we didn't want to leave. at that time i lived with my aunt and uncle. love them! that car was so loud and bumpy. you could feel every crack in the road! if i called him and he was in his car, i could hardly hear him! he sold it when we was going to china. he really misses that thing.
the car we have now is a blessing! we saved up all the money we could make and had received from our wedding. we were looking for an affordable car, but something that was in excellent shape. God answered our prayer and went over and beyond! our '99 vw passat has everything that we were looking for and even extras. we wanted something that was a VW, black, sunroof. something like that. with the price range we were looking for, we thought we would get a jetta. we asked around, and i just kept hitting a dead end. very soon though, this dealership happened to have something we were looking for. $5500, black, sunroof, passat, 68,000 miles, cd player, automatic. it was just unreal, but God definitely provided that car for us. so far, andy and i have taken some road trips to kansas and wisconsin. hopefully in the future, we can use it for more of a family car :) that's why we were looking for a 4 door.
i've got more memories with cars, but i've already written a lot.... my dream is to have a jeep wrangler with the top and doors off with a surfboard attached to it. this dream was inspired by the fact that i got to do that in hawaii, but minus the surfboard....
3.14.2010
.walking.with.the.biggest.and.the.best.
a lot is happening all of a sudden... well soon anyways. projects, keeping good grades, getting my health certification, finding a job, trying to move out, getting training hours for my job now, along with the usual daily responsibilities... i can't help but feel that finding a job around here is useless and a waste of time. i'm really having a hard time getting motivated. mainly because i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing. like if i were to get a PE/Health job, then what do i do? it's a little scary just starting out something that you've never really done before. fear of failure, fear of inadequacy... what if i hate it? i'm stuck then...
i know i can trust God; He has never let me down. when everything seems to fall apart or there's a dead end, there is His hand. it might not be the way i thought it would turn out, but i'm glad cause it's much better than my dinky mind could have thought of. i just wish my heart would put the feeling of doubt and uncertainty away... i want to completely trust in God because why not? He has helped and directed me this far. i'm a child of God. i don't say it like i deserve it. not at all. i deserve nothing from God. which is what makes Him so wonderful and amazing. His unconditional grace and love that He gives to anyone who recognizes it. i just know that He is there for me because He promises.
God is so much bigger than a job, so much bigger than anything i face. i'm not worried anymore cause i'm walking with the biggest, the best, and the one who controls it all.
i know i can trust God; He has never let me down. when everything seems to fall apart or there's a dead end, there is His hand. it might not be the way i thought it would turn out, but i'm glad cause it's much better than my dinky mind could have thought of. i just wish my heart would put the feeling of doubt and uncertainty away... i want to completely trust in God because why not? He has helped and directed me this far. i'm a child of God. i don't say it like i deserve it. not at all. i deserve nothing from God. which is what makes Him so wonderful and amazing. His unconditional grace and love that He gives to anyone who recognizes it. i just know that He is there for me because He promises.
God is so much bigger than a job, so much bigger than anything i face. i'm not worried anymore cause i'm walking with the biggest, the best, and the one who controls it all.
12.27.2009
.God's.got.our.backs.
So today was one of those days that reminded me of how HUGE a sinner I am... in "today's world", this might not be a big deal, but in Jesus' eyes, this shows how my actions are mirroring what's in my heart....
My sister spent the night last night so that I could take her to the train station in the morning. Since I didn't live very far, I planned on leaving 20 minutes before her train came. No problem, I didn't mind at all taking her. But then I woke up finding out that there's a ton of snow outside, in which my sister told me to "watch it, it's so pretty". With only 5 hours of sleep, I simply replied, "no". I went out and scrapped the car.
Fast forward past me having to get gas, driving slow in the snow-covered road, and only having about 7 minutes before her train leaves.
Here's the part where I broke... I thought I knew how to get there, but I turned down the wrong road being on the wrong side of the track with no way to cross and out of time. I got a little frustrated and tried to turn around only to be slowly sliding into someone's curb on the street corner. My tire was stuck and I yelled out in frustration/anger and punched the arm rest so hard. I'm glad my sister has more patience than me. Plus, unfortunately from past experiences, she has learned to stay quiet until I cool off.... I haven't reacted in that way in such a long time. I hate it.
I really felt defeated that I acted in such an uncontrollable way. I thought in my head, "what happened to the new 'laid-back, it's not the end of the world' mind-set of Lacy". God spoke to me saying, "what happened to the 'call for God's help' heart of Lacy". I held back tightly all the tears from my eyes. (I was in the car with Andy; I didn't feel like explaining at that moment.) I'm very thankful that my sister is a 'walk by the Spirit' kinda Christian. I apologized to her and she sent a text saying, "its ok. i understand. God's got our backs. :) ".
It's not JUST about trying to be a positive person. I got that laid-back mind-set from God because He's got it all under control. Me reacting in the way I did showed me I'm not going to Him. I tried to be positive on my own and I failed. This all reminded me of these verses, Romans 8:28-31. If God is for us, who can be against us? If you click on this statement, it will take you to a commentary of what these verses are about. I know it's more reading, but if anyone has been having difficulties, maybe this could be uplifting for you. It's an awesome reminder that God's got our backs.
(I had another thing that happened that made me feel like even more of a failure, but I thought this blog was long enough. Let's just say that I need to be less of a snob and more loving.)
My sister spent the night last night so that I could take her to the train station in the morning. Since I didn't live very far, I planned on leaving 20 minutes before her train came. No problem, I didn't mind at all taking her. But then I woke up finding out that there's a ton of snow outside, in which my sister told me to "watch it, it's so pretty". With only 5 hours of sleep, I simply replied, "no". I went out and scrapped the car.
Fast forward past me having to get gas, driving slow in the snow-covered road, and only having about 7 minutes before her train leaves.
Here's the part where I broke... I thought I knew how to get there, but I turned down the wrong road being on the wrong side of the track with no way to cross and out of time. I got a little frustrated and tried to turn around only to be slowly sliding into someone's curb on the street corner. My tire was stuck and I yelled out in frustration/anger and punched the arm rest so hard. I'm glad my sister has more patience than me. Plus, unfortunately from past experiences, she has learned to stay quiet until I cool off.... I haven't reacted in that way in such a long time. I hate it.
To shorten that part of the story, I called Andy and he calmed me down and saved the day. I got my tire unstuck and took Laura to the station (her train was very late anyways).
I really felt defeated that I acted in such an uncontrollable way. I thought in my head, "what happened to the new 'laid-back, it's not the end of the world' mind-set of Lacy". God spoke to me saying, "what happened to the 'call for God's help' heart of Lacy". I held back tightly all the tears from my eyes. (I was in the car with Andy; I didn't feel like explaining at that moment.) I'm very thankful that my sister is a 'walk by the Spirit' kinda Christian. I apologized to her and she sent a text saying, "its ok. i understand. God's got our backs. :) ".
It's not JUST about trying to be a positive person. I got that laid-back mind-set from God because He's got it all under control. Me reacting in the way I did showed me I'm not going to Him. I tried to be positive on my own and I failed. This all reminded me of these verses, Romans 8:28-31. If God is for us, who can be against us? If you click on this statement, it will take you to a commentary of what these verses are about. I know it's more reading, but if anyone has been having difficulties, maybe this could be uplifting for you. It's an awesome reminder that God's got our backs.
(I had another thing that happened that made me feel like even more of a failure, but I thought this blog was long enough. Let's just say that I need to be less of a snob and more loving.)
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