wow.... God has been leading me up to this very moment and I hope I don't lose it. I want to put it in my heart and never forget. I've been so immature and not realizing it. I have been so blinded by my fear! It started this past Wednesday when I broke down for several reasons just balling to Andy. The feeling of helplessness and unworthiness just overwhelming me.... That same night, Andy and I ended up skyping a dear friend we met in China. (She's American, not Chinese) And she saw that I was upset and being pathetic, ha. Well, last night I talked to her on facebook chat and she was asking me how if I was feeling better and blah blah. I asked her how she was doing and she said "more like Daddy is good ya know". I said I wanted that. And basically, she said I needed to grow up and stop whining, which I found refreshing. Although I can't help my voice sometimes cause it does have a whiny sound to it (thanks mom, ha).
I knew I needed to grow up, but I have been making excuses upon excuses! I am being a pansy when I keep making the excuse of "having too much on my plate". So when I die and God shows me all that I could have done on earth, I'll give Him the excuse that I had too much on my plate. SERIOUSLY?! That will not fly at all! I need to step up to the plate. I understand that we live in a busy world and we do have a lot on our plate, but if most of the things on our plate is not spiritual food, then we need to change our priorities. I have one life to live and I don't want to be at the end to wonder what I did for the Lord.
[Yea, but right now I have to finish school while having a job and on top of being married. Then after that, I'll definitely start stepping up to the plate!]
No, because there will be more excuses... Excuses are bad habits that are hiding other bad sins. For example, when I give an excuse, I'm hiding my fear of failure. Having fear in the Christian life is a sin because you are not trusting in God. I'm tired of making excuses instead of going to God first. I'm tired of being a pansy. I know Satan is loving it, but I'm displeasing God. I finally realized all this when I was talking to another friend today. I was talking it out trying to not make any excuses and not being whiny, so then it became clear to me.
Like last month or so, I was asked to help assist in teaching a Sunday school class and I gave the excuse that I needed another bible study before I gave up my Sunday school class, which is kinda logical.... But most of the time, God rarely runs on human logic. It's kinda a stupid response anyways when God has put on my heart to start or be a part of a women's bible study on another night. I have just been the excuse queen and it's put me in a huge mess! Agh, I hate being human.... But I am so thankful for a forgiving and loving God. Not only that, but a God of justice for teaching me lessons that will grow me closer to Him.
