.clouds.jams.sunroof.wheels.

one of my fave things that i got to do today was enjoy the lovely weather by opening up my sunroof of my car and blaring my jams :)  i wish i could be a passenger all the time cause i just love looking at the clouds and the green landscape of fields.  people who know me know that i love to talk and act ridiculous; it's just how i interact with people.  the one place tho that i am quiet and still is when i'm riding in a car. 

there is just so much going on outside of the car that catches my attention.  plus it's where i think.  where i talk with Jesus.  where i ponder about the future.  where i think of the most random things.  where i fall asleep within 10 minutes.

i have a lot of memories that deal with riding in a car.  i remember being in my mom's '91 honda civic (which ended up being my car when i turned 16).  we always had sing-along books and cassette tapes.  we had several bible ones and other children songs.  when we took our routinely trips to arkansas, my sister and I would play these lil travel games.  one game that we played every time was the "sign game".  we really paid attention to the billboards or any sign we could find cause we wanted to be the ones to get to "Z" first.  we had to find words that started with the letters of the alphabet.  A-Z.  i remember that i always wanted to sit up front cause that was the coolest; but when it came to long trips, i let laura enjoy the front for once cause that meant more room for me in the back :)  my mom always listened to soft rock or country.  i would always sing the songs whether i knew the words or not.  although now, i'm not a big fan of country music.

i learned to drive the stick shift in her honda.  she told me that i couldn't get my license until i learned how to drive it.  i didn't know why at the time, but then realized that it was gonna be my first car.  she taught me to drive her honda in the mascoutah cemetery.  she said it was the only place where i couldn't hurt anybody :) love the confidence!  it was awesome.  the color was blue and it was practically new.  i washed it like crazy and always had it clean.  even though it looked neat and clean, i ruined the transmission and hit a van with it.  it still lasted awhile for me, couple of years in college.  sold it for $800.  when i was in high school, the rear windshield had a soccer sticker with my name on it.  hanging from my rear view mirror was a soccer ball.  i even had soccer balls and equipment in my truck.  i loved soccer. oh and a Jesus fish.  although, i don't think i was a good witness driving cause i was a ridiculous driver. 

my second car was also a honda, but i stepped it up with a '92 honda accord ex with a sunroof!  that lasted about a year for me until i rolled it in a bean field.  again, i kept it so clean and neat, but i was reckless.  not really my fault, i fell asleep at the wheel.  started going off the road, woke up, tried to get back on the road, fish-tailed, turned 180 degrees, going backwards in a ditch, went upside down, asked God to turn me right-side up, turned right-side up, then stopped with my window broken, my side mirror ripped off, bean stalk on my lap, dirt/mud everywhere.  i'm just glad i was wearing crocs cause i was completely muddy.  God definitely had my back.  i got someone to pull off the side of the road. (i couldn't find my cellphone and i was like 20 minutes from home).  my dad came to the rescue and that's when i started bawling and praising Jesus.  it hit me that i could have met the Lord right then and there.  not that i wouldn't mind that, but it hit me that God saved my life.  when i went to the site the next morning, i was just surprised i wasn't hurt at all.  there was a pole and some cement nearby that i could have ran into.  since it was stormy and rainy, the mud made my roll over go smoothly.  the craziest thing was that my car still ran!  the reason why i was driving so late was cause i was driving from robinson, il where andy was interning as a youth pastor.  i went to visit him and was coming back home.  after my wreck, he came down and helped me clean it out.  we were engaged at that time.  it was the first time i didn't listen to him cause that night he told me not to drive late.  should have listened!  but i drove that thing another 3 or 4 years till i blew that transmission.  i donated it. 

when andy and i started dating, he had a mitsubishi eclispe.  i remember having long night talks in that car.  we would just sit in my driveway in his car and just talk and talk.  we would talk so long that i would just close my eyes and talk cause i was so tired, but we didn't want to leave.  at that time i lived with my aunt and uncle.  love them!  that car was so loud and bumpy.  you could feel every crack in the road!  if i called him and he was in his car, i could hardly hear him!  he sold it when we was going to china.  he really misses that thing.

the car we have now is a blessing!  we saved up all the money we could make and had received from our wedding.  we were looking for an affordable car, but something that was in excellent shape.  God answered our prayer and went over and beyond!  our '99 vw passat has everything that we were looking for and even extras.  we wanted something that was a VW, black, sunroof.  something like that.  with the price range we were looking for, we thought we would get a jetta.  we asked around, and i just kept hitting a dead end.  very soon though, this dealership happened to have something we were looking for.  $5500, black, sunroof, passat, 68,000 miles, cd player, automatic.  it was just unreal, but God definitely provided that car for us.  so far, andy and i have taken some road trips to kansas and wisconsin.  hopefully in the future, we can use it for more of a family car :)  that's why we were looking for a 4 door.

i've got more memories with cars, but i've already written a lot....  my dream is to have a jeep wrangler with the top and doors off with a surfboard attached to it.  this dream was inspired by the fact that i got to do that in hawaii, but minus the surfboard....

.walking.with.the.biggest.and.the.best.

a lot is happening all of a sudden...  well soon anyways.  projects, keeping good grades, getting my health certification, finding a job, trying to move out, getting training hours for my job now, along with the usual daily responsibilities...  i can't help but feel that finding a job around here is useless and a waste of time.  i'm really having a hard time getting motivated.  mainly because i feel like i have no idea what i'm doing.  like if i were to get a PE/Health job, then what do i do?  it's a little scary just starting out something that you've never really done before.  fear of failure, fear of inadequacy...  what if i hate it?  i'm stuck then...

i know i can trust God; He has never let me down.  when everything seems to fall apart or there's a dead end, there is His hand.  it might not be the way i thought it would turn out, but i'm glad cause it's much better than my dinky mind could have thought of.  i just wish my heart would put the feeling of doubt and uncertainty away...  i want to completely trust in God because why not?  He has helped and directed me this far.  i'm a child of God.  i don't say it like i deserve it.  not at all.  i deserve nothing from God.  which is what makes Him so wonderful and amazing.  His unconditional grace and love that He gives to anyone who recognizes it.  i just know that He is there for me because He promises.

God is so much bigger than a job, so much bigger than anything i face.  i'm not worried anymore cause i'm walking with the biggest, the best, and the one who controls it all.